Jaja and I tried out Yoga last night. We had bought this video on Yoga last Saturday and we thought we'd finally try out the exercises.
Overall, the experience was relaxing. We only did the Beginner's course and after about three standing poses we were sweating! While I was doing the Triangle pose and the Forward Bends I could feel some bones on my spine and shoulders "creaking," as if they were being stretched for the first time.
To top it all, I had a good, restful sleep last night.
Since Yoga promises benefits to all facets of one's life including one's sexual prowess,I'm curious to see if it really does work. So far, I've had a good start!
Monday, August 08, 2005
Sunday, August 07, 2005
HOW TIME FLIES!
Yesterday, we brought our second son James to UP for his UPCAT exams. We underestimated the traffic so even though we were just outside the walls of the campus by 6 AM,we were crawling at snail's pace we feared James would not make it on time.
We decided that he and Jaja should walk to the exam venue, and it was good we did, because it took me another thirty minutes just to get inside!
Later, Jaja and I had breakfast at Craving's in Katipunan and while we were eating, we got to reminiscing about how it seemed like only yesterday when I was bringing James to nursery school at the Center for Talent and Education Center (CTEC) at Greenhills. I recalled how he was all smiles and didn't seem scared about being left alone with his teachers. I also recounted how behaved he was when I left him in class during his first day at Lourdes School.
Soon he would be in College (assuming he does pass his entrance tests,) and pretty soon, Tasha, our youngest will be going through the same rites of transition.
I can't but help recall the words from the "Fiddler On the Roof" song which goes:
Sunrise, Sunset
Sunrise, Sunset
Swiftly fly the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze
So far so good...when I look at how our kids have blossomed, I can say we've not done too bad as parents.
I wonder how it will be when we're grandparents! Only time will tell. :-)
We decided that he and Jaja should walk to the exam venue, and it was good we did, because it took me another thirty minutes just to get inside!
Later, Jaja and I had breakfast at Craving's in Katipunan and while we were eating, we got to reminiscing about how it seemed like only yesterday when I was bringing James to nursery school at the Center for Talent and Education Center (CTEC) at Greenhills. I recalled how he was all smiles and didn't seem scared about being left alone with his teachers. I also recounted how behaved he was when I left him in class during his first day at Lourdes School.
Soon he would be in College (assuming he does pass his entrance tests,) and pretty soon, Tasha, our youngest will be going through the same rites of transition.
I can't but help recall the words from the "Fiddler On the Roof" song which goes:
Sunrise, Sunset
Sunrise, Sunset
Swiftly fly the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze
So far so good...when I look at how our kids have blossomed, I can say we've not done too bad as parents.
I wonder how it will be when we're grandparents! Only time will tell. :-)
THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR
Yesterday I pulled out our car from the repair shop and paid a total of P 19,400.00 for major repairs to problems which were not supposed to be there in the first place.
I brought the car in last Wednesday because it was overheating. I suspected there was a leak somewhere because I had just filled up the reservoir with coolant last Sunday,but that morning when the car overheated and I checked under the hood, the reservoir was empty! Then when I was finally able to open the radiator there was no water visible, and I had to fill it up with about two liters of water.
When the mechanics checked,they said the water pump needed replacement. (P 3,900) After a little while,they called up again and said they needed to replace some bearings because it was making a humming sound.(P3,600) Then much later, the supervisor informed me they discovered another major problem: the CV joints needed replacement and it was for our safety that this had to be done (P 5,000)
This was one of those unexpected expenses, and it couldn't have come at a very bad time. I was saving up money because I have to pay over P34,000 worth of taxes this August!
It was difficult looking for something to be thankful for under the circumstances. But I found out that if you really want to think positive...you'll be able to find something good even in a bad situation.
My positive thought was this: "I should still be thankful the problems of the car were found out. What if I had met an accident because the repairs hadn't been done. I would probably been in a worse way, and our expenses would have been much bigger than P 19,400."
With that thought in mind I was able to bounce back from the initially frustrating situation and enjoy the rest of the day dating my wife!
I brought the car in last Wednesday because it was overheating. I suspected there was a leak somewhere because I had just filled up the reservoir with coolant last Sunday,but that morning when the car overheated and I checked under the hood, the reservoir was empty! Then when I was finally able to open the radiator there was no water visible, and I had to fill it up with about two liters of water.
When the mechanics checked,they said the water pump needed replacement. (P 3,900) After a little while,they called up again and said they needed to replace some bearings because it was making a humming sound.(P3,600) Then much later, the supervisor informed me they discovered another major problem: the CV joints needed replacement and it was for our safety that this had to be done (P 5,000)
This was one of those unexpected expenses, and it couldn't have come at a very bad time. I was saving up money because I have to pay over P34,000 worth of taxes this August!
It was difficult looking for something to be thankful for under the circumstances. But I found out that if you really want to think positive...you'll be able to find something good even in a bad situation.
My positive thought was this: "I should still be thankful the problems of the car were found out. What if I had met an accident because the repairs hadn't been done. I would probably been in a worse way, and our expenses would have been much bigger than P 19,400."
With that thought in mind I was able to bounce back from the initially frustrating situation and enjoy the rest of the day dating my wife!
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
THE THRILL OF SMALL DAILY VICTORIES
In keeping with my goal of improving myself a little each day,last night I finally finished the automata (mechanical paper model) of the "Agreeable Sheep," which I had printed last week on cardboard but never got to work on.
Tasha, who was watching me cutting out the cardboard parts and assembling the model, waited till about past ten to see me complete the project. At one point she even volunteered to help me glue the tiny parts when she saw me struggling a bit. ("Do you need a smaller finger?")
"How cute!" Tasha exclaimed when she saw me turn the handcrank that made the sheep's head bob up and down.
Now that I have assembled my first automata, I feel like moving on to more complex models. And since I now know how these things work basically and I also believe I can start designing my own simple models.
What a big difference a small accomplishment makes!
Tasha, who was watching me cutting out the cardboard parts and assembling the model, waited till about past ten to see me complete the project. At one point she even volunteered to help me glue the tiny parts when she saw me struggling a bit. ("Do you need a smaller finger?")
"How cute!" Tasha exclaimed when she saw me turn the handcrank that made the sheep's head bob up and down.
Now that I have assembled my first automata, I feel like moving on to more complex models. And since I now know how these things work basically and I also believe I can start designing my own simple models.
What a big difference a small accomplishment makes!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
JUST SOME THOUGHTS ON GETTING THRU THE "AVERAGE" DAY
I've been checking out this blog"Girl In Progress,"and Christa (the girl in progress) who's been writing about how she's getting over a recent divorce, wrote the other day that she's just in the average groove and really had nothing exciting to write about.
For most of us mere mortals, I guess that's just the way things are. We don't go through life everyday as if we were in an action movie,romantic drama or suspense thriller flick. Most of the time, it's just an ordinary day of going through the daily grind. Nothing much to get real excited about...or blog about!
But this is where our challenge lies. How to make the ordinary day extraordinary!
It can be done by doing the daily routine a little bit better or a little bit more perfectly. Or we can do things a little bit differently and creatively.
The excitement need not be forced upon us by circumstances outside of us.
For most of us mere mortals, I guess that's just the way things are. We don't go through life everyday as if we were in an action movie,romantic drama or suspense thriller flick. Most of the time, it's just an ordinary day of going through the daily grind. Nothing much to get real excited about...or blog about!
But this is where our challenge lies. How to make the ordinary day extraordinary!
It can be done by doing the daily routine a little bit better or a little bit more perfectly. Or we can do things a little bit differently and creatively.
The excitement need not be forced upon us by circumstances outside of us.
We have the power within us to create the excitement!
Monday, August 01, 2005
OF CHAOS AND CREATION
I was finally able to finish the caricature of a former Bedan batchmate of mine,and sent the illustration to him last night. It just felt good getting something done!
The only problem with completing projects like these is that I'm now "idle" again and looking for something to do... to get creative again!
Hmmmm...That's probably what God must feel whenever He gets something created...He probably starts feeling the urge to get chaotic so that He can once again put order.
The story of our life...the story of the universe.
The only problem with completing projects like these is that I'm now "idle" again and looking for something to do... to get creative again!
Hmmmm...That's probably what God must feel whenever He gets something created...He probably starts feeling the urge to get chaotic so that He can once again put order.
The story of our life...the story of the universe.
Friday, July 29, 2005
THE SPEED OF THOUGHT
It's amazing how much the mind can wander when it does not really have anything particularly planned to think about.
When I look back at how my mind wandered about this morning I realize that there were a lot of thoughts that crossed my mind that were in no way interconnected with one another!
While at breakfast I thought about how lazy our maids were at not telling me we were about to run out of coffee creamer when I had given them prior instructions to alert me whenever this happens. I even had an argument running thru my mind like:
MAID: Sorry kuya hindi namin napansin na wala ng creamer eh.
ME: Ano'ng hindi napansin eh gumagamit din kayo ng creamer!
All of a sudden my mind switched to the thought of seeing the morning sunrise creeping in and how beautiful this sight was. But when Jaja sat at the breakfast table my mind shifted to the thought of reminding her I hadn't had my dose of sex for the week yet!
On the way to the toilet to do my morning "dumping" ritual my mind went from reminding myself to give money to the driver for gas, to a realization that I could improve the video script on Integrity by adding some specific references to cash handling, product handling and stocks/inventory management. All of these in the space of several seconds.
While driving to work, there were some thoughts that crossed my mind but since I was intent on listening to the radio and singing along I realized my mind had kept focused on me singing the right lyrics. No wonder I'm so alert while driving!
When I look back at how my mind wandered about this morning I realize that there were a lot of thoughts that crossed my mind that were in no way interconnected with one another!
While at breakfast I thought about how lazy our maids were at not telling me we were about to run out of coffee creamer when I had given them prior instructions to alert me whenever this happens. I even had an argument running thru my mind like:
MAID: Sorry kuya hindi namin napansin na wala ng creamer eh.
ME: Ano'ng hindi napansin eh gumagamit din kayo ng creamer!
All of a sudden my mind switched to the thought of seeing the morning sunrise creeping in and how beautiful this sight was. But when Jaja sat at the breakfast table my mind shifted to the thought of reminding her I hadn't had my dose of sex for the week yet!
On the way to the toilet to do my morning "dumping" ritual my mind went from reminding myself to give money to the driver for gas, to a realization that I could improve the video script on Integrity by adding some specific references to cash handling, product handling and stocks/inventory management. All of these in the space of several seconds.
While driving to work, there were some thoughts that crossed my mind but since I was intent on listening to the radio and singing along I realized my mind had kept focused on me singing the right lyrics. No wonder I'm so alert while driving!
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
MAKING THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION
The Service Quality Program didn't turn out as I expected it. There was a basic program design flaw and the trainers didn't do a dry-run so all the possible surprises turned up. Classic was when we were supposed to video the role play and Brian our designated videographer ran out of CD space!
"I should've insisted on seeing the design...I should've insisted on a dry-run..." I was telling myself a lot of "should'ves" but that wasn't helping any. So this was a case of just getting the show over and done with and re-doing the whole script so to speak so tomorrow's show would be better.
Moral Lesson: I'll trust my instincts more next time and go with experience.
"I should've insisted on seeing the design...I should've insisted on a dry-run..." I was telling myself a lot of "should'ves" but that wasn't helping any. So this was a case of just getting the show over and done with and re-doing the whole script so to speak so tomorrow's show would be better.
Moral Lesson: I'll trust my instincts more next time and go with experience.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
A PRAYER A DAY TO MAKE THE WORLD BETTER
Lately,my thoughts have been turning towards making the world a little bit better each day in my own little way. I like that line in the movie (I forgot the title) which starred Kevin Spacey in which he said of his wife: "She wanted to leave the world a little bit better than when she came in." (or something like that) I'd like that to be said of me.
So whether it is through making someone smile or laugh, or making someone's day better through a shared thought...I know I'm making a difference somehow.
And I realize that even if only one of the prayers I'm sending to God each morning for the people I'm praying for gets answered...then that's going to make a big difference somehow in the end.
So whether it is through making someone smile or laugh, or making someone's day better through a shared thought...I know I'm making a difference somehow.
And I realize that even if only one of the prayers I'm sending to God each morning for the people I'm praying for gets answered...then that's going to make a big difference somehow in the end.
Monday, July 25, 2005
A PRODUCTIVE WEEKEND
In line with my "improve -myself-a-day" project I worked on some projects over the weekend,taking advantage of the extra day holiday yesterday.
For one, the Theotokos ikon I set aside for the past month is now taking shape. I finished coloring up to the Virgin Mary's robe and from TJ's comment ("Dad! You rock!")I must say it's looking real good. Funny but while I was doing this pastel painting which I intend to hang along our stairwell, I found myself humming the Latin "Credo," and "Salve Regina."
I was able to download and print the plans for the automata paper models and hope to start assembling them this week.
I learned a new song: "The Greatest Story Ever Told," by Oliver James,which I can now add to my repertoire of "pang-bagets" songs.
For one, the Theotokos ikon I set aside for the past month is now taking shape. I finished coloring up to the Virgin Mary's robe and from TJ's comment ("Dad! You rock!")I must say it's looking real good. Funny but while I was doing this pastel painting which I intend to hang along our stairwell, I found myself humming the Latin "Credo," and "Salve Regina."
I was able to download and print the plans for the automata paper models and hope to start assembling them this week.
I learned a new song: "The Greatest Story Ever Told," by Oliver James,which I can now add to my repertoire of "pang-bagets" songs.
IF HE'D ONLY SAY "I'M SORRY" ( A REFLECTION ON MAN'S FOLLY & GOD'S GREATNESS)
Two of my neighbors have gone to court because of an argument over parking space!
One of the parties is really willing to drop charges if the other guy would only apologize to his wife for his un-gentlemanly treatment of her. But, no, out of pride he refuses to say the magic words: "I'm sorry" or "I apologize."
Forgiveness would easily solve the problem which is costing all of them money and a lot of aggravation.
That's probably why God Himself had to come down literally to our level and show us that's not the way to do things. He must have realized that by giving man free will, he also gave man the potential to feel like he was a god,who believed he knew right and wrong, and should not stoop down whatsoever to his fellowman.
Humility...and asking for forgiveness are apparently the ways of God...but not the ways of men.
One of the parties is really willing to drop charges if the other guy would only apologize to his wife for his un-gentlemanly treatment of her. But, no, out of pride he refuses to say the magic words: "I'm sorry" or "I apologize."
Forgiveness would easily solve the problem which is costing all of them money and a lot of aggravation.
That's probably why God Himself had to come down literally to our level and show us that's not the way to do things. He must have realized that by giving man free will, he also gave man the potential to feel like he was a god,who believed he knew right and wrong, and should not stoop down whatsoever to his fellowman.
Humility...and asking for forgiveness are apparently the ways of God...but not the ways of men.
Friday, July 22, 2005
BUTTERFLIES IN MY GARDEN
The daisy seedlings I had planted weeks ago were ready to be placed in pots so I did that this morning. As I stood up from my work I noticed several butterflies flitting about the flower pots in front of my garage. It was a refreshing sight to behold because nowadays it's hard to see butterflies around the city.
So I had this thought. My contribution to improving the environment around Millbrae is to see to it that butterflies have a haven in my garden.
So I had this thought. My contribution to improving the environment around Millbrae is to see to it that butterflies have a haven in my garden.
LESSONS FROM "UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN"
Watched "Under The Tuscan Sun" a TV movie starring Diane Lane. Picked up some lines worth thinking about:
"They built the railroad tracks that crossed the Alps even when there was still no train. They just knew it would be there one day."
(Federico Fellini said) "Never dwell on regrets..they are just the past getting in the way of today." (or something like that) This told me to let go of yesterday's incident with the Integrity video, which I had been "I should've-ing" yesterday.
These were just reminders to me to attack life with vigor and instead of just musing...get going on projects I listed in my Goals list: the songs I have not written yet ("Gusto Kitang Awitan ng Luman Love song" & "Gusto Kong Mag-Jollibee" which I envision James and his band to sing); the paper sculptures which will be my special niche in business; the painting of the Theotokos & the mural of the Creation for the Master's bedroom wall;the USA trip with my family...
I also got an idea from seeing all these artists' weblogs on the net that I'd start my own "A Drawing A Day" which will be my excuse for doing doodles & posting them on the net.
"They built the railroad tracks that crossed the Alps even when there was still no train. They just knew it would be there one day."
(Federico Fellini said) "Never dwell on regrets..they are just the past getting in the way of today." (or something like that) This told me to let go of yesterday's incident with the Integrity video, which I had been "I should've-ing" yesterday.
These were just reminders to me to attack life with vigor and instead of just musing...get going on projects I listed in my Goals list: the songs I have not written yet ("Gusto Kitang Awitan ng Luman Love song" & "Gusto Kong Mag-Jollibee" which I envision James and his band to sing); the paper sculptures which will be my special niche in business; the painting of the Theotokos & the mural of the Creation for the Master's bedroom wall;the USA trip with my family...
I also got an idea from seeing all these artists' weblogs on the net that I'd start my own "A Drawing A Day" which will be my excuse for doing doodles & posting them on the net.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
MY "AHA!" FOR THE DAY: A TAKE ON THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
Just think...by becoming a better person each day, I am making the world a little bit better too!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
JUST SOME THOUGHTS
More and more I've come to realize that the world was given to us by God...not to be devastated and destroyed...but to be appreciated and enjoyed.
Even if I don't have a job...and all I do is pray for the good of my fellowman...then my life has a purpose
Even if I don't have a job...and all I do is pray for the good of my fellowman...then my life has a purpose
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
HIGHLIGHTS OF MY WEEK: JUNE 20 -26
June 26 - Watched Beauty and the Beast musical at the Meralco Theater with the whole family. Starred KC Concepcion who was pretty good though lacked a powerful voice to reach the high notes. The Beast was disappointing, lacked power. Gaston was a bit better. I had seen the Broadway version so everything else pales in comparison unfortunately.
June 25 -JAMES' 17th birthday. He and TJ were in Las Villas since they had a sleepover at Esan Javahey's after a night of computer gaming at Blue Skies. Jaja was sick so I brought Tash to the gym then went to Richmonde to do my light lower body workout. I bought cake, salmon,pasta and foodstuff for James' party this evening. I ended up cooking it too. I prepared Aglio Olio. We had a lot of food but few guests since Greenhills and Villas folks couldn't make it. Kuya Zen, Ate Per and Jerome also left for Munich this evening, so we only had Louie and Iris Doria, Vika,Aleks and Ayana as James' guests.
June 24 - Jaja took the day off to be with her Basa airbase barkada. They went to Sonia's garden and Ilog Maria. We had a mini-product board this morning and I was stuffed with new product samples (veggie siopao, roasted chix asado, chicken supreme, pancit etc.) I attended the graduation of Batch 127 then went to the gym before fetching Tash and Jaja at Gymnastica
June 23 - RDRs and Jem's birthday. I wished Mavie goodluck on her Excom presentation because I knew she would be uptight about it...which in fact she was. I went to Greenhills to sign the documents needed for my dollar investment. I went through the tiangge and bought some gardening stuff at the Do It Yourself shop. Ate lunch at Max's to try out their pancit canton which was lousy! I fetched Tash early and we went to Robinson's Galeria where we were to meet up with Jaja and james. Ja bought a new Whirlpool 7.5 kg washing machine on credit for 10K.
June 22 - ISAH TORRALBA s birthday. We held the birthday bash for RDR this morning since he was going to have an Excom meeting tomorrow, his real birthday. In spite of the short preparation, things tirned out well. Padz and Jeric did a great job hosting the program. Vhing invited me out to lunch at Salsa Rossa and we talked about Ever's pending annulment case.
June 21 - Had a product work group meeting this morning. I double checked the preparations for RDRs birthday tomorrow. At least, Jeric and Edward had practised their song.
June 20 - I re applied for my AMWAY membership c/o Jimmy.
June 25 -JAMES' 17th birthday. He and TJ were in Las Villas since they had a sleepover at Esan Javahey's after a night of computer gaming at Blue Skies. Jaja was sick so I brought Tash to the gym then went to Richmonde to do my light lower body workout. I bought cake, salmon,pasta and foodstuff for James' party this evening. I ended up cooking it too. I prepared Aglio Olio. We had a lot of food but few guests since Greenhills and Villas folks couldn't make it. Kuya Zen, Ate Per and Jerome also left for Munich this evening, so we only had Louie and Iris Doria, Vika,Aleks and Ayana as James' guests.
June 24 - Jaja took the day off to be with her Basa airbase barkada. They went to Sonia's garden and Ilog Maria. We had a mini-product board this morning and I was stuffed with new product samples (veggie siopao, roasted chix asado, chicken supreme, pancit etc.) I attended the graduation of Batch 127 then went to the gym before fetching Tash and Jaja at Gymnastica
June 23 - RDRs and Jem's birthday. I wished Mavie goodluck on her Excom presentation because I knew she would be uptight about it...which in fact she was. I went to Greenhills to sign the documents needed for my dollar investment. I went through the tiangge and bought some gardening stuff at the Do It Yourself shop. Ate lunch at Max's to try out their pancit canton which was lousy! I fetched Tash early and we went to Robinson's Galeria where we were to meet up with Jaja and james. Ja bought a new Whirlpool 7.5 kg washing machine on credit for 10K.
June 22 - ISAH TORRALBA s birthday. We held the birthday bash for RDR this morning since he was going to have an Excom meeting tomorrow, his real birthday. In spite of the short preparation, things tirned out well. Padz and Jeric did a great job hosting the program. Vhing invited me out to lunch at Salsa Rossa and we talked about Ever's pending annulment case.
June 21 - Had a product work group meeting this morning. I double checked the preparations for RDRs birthday tomorrow. At least, Jeric and Edward had practised their song.
June 20 - I re applied for my AMWAY membership c/o Jimmy.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
MY DAD:THOUGHTS ON FATHER'S DAY
I was about 7 years old and was home sick. When I woke up I remember seeing Daddy at my bedside, in his khaki uniform (he had just come home from work) and he handed me a toy, a battery operated tin robot that just basically moved around when switched on. It was a get well present and boy, did it make me feel good!
I don't know why...but when I try to recall what Daddy was like,this is the first memory that comes to mind. When I look back now, I'm not sure whether it was the gift that made me feel good or the fact that Daddy was just around!
I guess, like any typical dad of his time, my father the late Col. Jose M. Mendoza, influenced my life by working behind the scenes. It was always Mom who was around us kids most of our growing life. Dad was mostly away,working hard to "bring home" the proverbial "bacon." In my case, since I was the second to the youngest in the family, I didn't really get to have much of the father-son bonding times. To top it all, I spent about 12 years in the seminary, away from my home and family, so that didn't give us any real time for physical proximity.
Nevertheless, when I look at how I'm being a father to my kids and a husband to my wife, I see how much Daddy has shaped my paradigm of what it is to be a Dad.
To begin with, I know Daddy loved to have kids (there were 7 of us after all!...or was it because he just couldn't keep his hands away from our beautiful Mom???) and he loved all of us! I remember him saying that he considered each of us kids good luck because whenever one of us was born, he got a promotion! So when it was my turn to be a dad, I also looked at the arrival of my kids as blessings (what I called my "happy thoughts" in the language of Peter Pan in "Hook.") I would have wanted more than three but Jaja said enough!
When anyone of us kids got sick it was important for Dad that we get well as quickly as possible. I remember us having boxes of comic books because whenever we got sick he would buy us comics to cheer us up.
Maybe it was also because he had such a happy childhood (if we believe the stories he and his siblings) that he wanted to have a big family himself and share the happiness he felt as a child with all of us kids.
Because Dad was into photography,all of us Mendoza kids have gazillions of pictures taken by him, from baby pics to memorable events when we were growing up. We each have a baby book that he and Mom tried their best to fill up with information so we would know about our own life's story later on. I don't know many kids who can say they have fathers who had such an interest in them to take time to save their memorabilia.
I've taken after Daddy when it comes to being sentimental about my kids. TJ, James and Tasha each have their own baby books and gazillions of photos. Maybe I've done better because I have photos of my kids from the time they were inside their mom (ultrasound photos) and also because I have some shots of them being taken out via C Section (taken by Kuya Zen.) Thanks to affordable videocams I've also captured my three boogers in action over the years.
Dad created a "culture"for us Mendoza's by observing "rituals" and laying down "traditions". I have carried on with some of these practices today.
For example, we had a seating arrangement at table with him and Mom on each end of the table and us kids occupying our designated places. He and Mom were the last to serve themselves, taking only the food that we left for them after getting our share.
We used to go to Mass together and for a good long while we would have a photo shoot of the family before boarding our green Chevy Station Wagon( "Old Faithful," we called it) to head off to church. He would call out: "All Aboard!" and like sailors we would take our places inside the car...although at times there would be some tussle about who would sit beside the window.
Because he and Mom were devout Catholics we prayed the rosary everyday and the Novenas to Our Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Joseph on their designated days (Wednesdays and March 19.) Dad felt it was his duty to show us that religion and the practice of one's faith was essential to a happy and sound family life.
We even had our own lingo. "Hamus" was our term for any pig that Mommy would raise (this I learned was taken from the cartoon Li'l Abner where the pig was named Hamus Alabamus.) We named our station wagon "Old Faithful." "Project Poor" was our term for the Directo's in Project 4 while Project Rich referred to Uncle Teofs brood.
For Dad, togetherness was a big thing. Staying in touch with family and kin was important.
On weekends he would take us to trips to Tagaytay, or have lunch outside if he had the extra money. Her made sure we watched family movies like: "The Sound of Music" or "Mary Poppins" together.We had family outings to Corregidor and regular summer trips to Lido beach (when these were still in pristine condition.) Then, we would also have our Holy Week vacations in Pangasinan, where all the Mendoza's would get together at Uncle Peds' house in Malasiqui.
Dad was a romantic. It was obvious that he loved Mommy very much because on Christmas day, Mommy's birthday and their wedding anniversary, Mom always received a treat or a special surprise. For Christmas, Mom would always get the traditional Whitman's sampler. After she opened it during Media Noche we would each get a piece. I recall that for her birthday she would get a bottle of expensive perfume. On their anniversary they would go out for dinner, and on their 25th anniversary they went on an Asian tour.
Up to the time Mommy died, Dad made Mommy feel she was the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth! He served her literally and tried to fulfill her every whim.
I recall him saying that whenever he received his bonus, Mommy would start thinking of the next expansion project to beautify our house at Annapolis, Greenhills. When he retired and the two of them were left on their own,they had a morning ritual of going to church, having breakfast at Mom's orchid house, then tending to the orchids, taking naps and discussing events.Dad would drive for Mom when he could and accompany her to trips to Unimart or other shopping centers.
All these practices and rituals may have been programmed into my psyche because I find myself doing the same things, although in different ways.
For example, we do have a seating arrangement at our dining table although James violates this time and again by sitting where he pleases. We try to go to Church as a family when we can,but again, James prefers to go to a particular time slot with his cousins. Then, we have our weekend outings to the mall, and then during the holidays we make it a point to visit our relatives.
I make it a point to be romantic towards my wife,surprising her with gifts and making special occasions really special for her. She has Dad to thank for this.
Daddy wasn't outwardly expressive about his love for us although we knew and felt that he loved us very much. He only started verbalizing his love for us kids after he attended a PSI Course, but that was later in his life. Perhaps his military training taught him not to be demonstrative about his affections. We knew we could count on him to listen to us and help us out whenever we ran to him for something.
For instance, I remember Ate Per approaching him for help on a Physics problem.Since he had advanced training on this when he was in PMA he made the problem simple enough for Ate to understand.
When he knew you were really interested in something,he supported you all the way.
When I was about 5 or 6 years old,he had a fatigue uniform specially tailored for me because I had expressed interest in following his footsteps as a soldier.
I once asked him to draw me a design for a machine gun because I wanted to make one out of wood. Although he knew this couldn't be done he drew me one anyway and even took time to explain how it should work.
When I was about 8 years old, I saw a junior chemistry set being sold at the Acme Grocery store in Forbes and told him I wanted one but it cost a lot of money back then (P 10.) Instead of saying "No,it's too expensive," he made me work for it. He made me a crude bank account and told me that for every centavo I saved out of my allowance he would put in the equivalent amount until we reached 10 pesos. I think it took me about a month to raise the needed amount to buy the set, but I felt good about having bought something out of my own money,even though it was subsidized.
When I got bitten by the camera bug,Dad bought me books, magazines, cameras and even "borrowed" photo equipment from PRRM,where he used to work, so I could indulge in this expensive hobby.
During my second year in High School I took an interest in Classical Guitar and when I showed him a book at Erehwon which cost P20 (a huge sum for a book then) he got me the book and later on bought me a guitar in Cebu which was made of Langka wood.
Dad loved to have fun and play practical jokes.
Once he bought a "Fly in the ice cube" from a novelty shop and placed this in Uncle Teofs drink during a party. Then there was the "Spilled ink" gag (a black colored ink blob with an ink bottle) which he placed on Ate Per's brand new Biology book. Ate was so upset at the thought that her new book was ruined, until Daddy revealed the prank.
One of the most memorable was the "Barf" gag. This was a rubberized vomit which if sprinkled with some water looked like real the real thing. Dad placed this on their bed and when Mom saw it vented her anger on our poor dog Charlie,whom she thought was responsible for the mess.
Daddy was a soldier to his country, a loving and romantic husband to Mom,a doting and caring father to all of us kids,a model Christian and father to me.
It has been said that the picture of God as a Father, we get from our earthly dads.
I am one of the lucky one's to have experienced God's love here on earth because of my Dad...and I hope to pass on this experience to my own kids.
I don't know why...but when I try to recall what Daddy was like,this is the first memory that comes to mind. When I look back now, I'm not sure whether it was the gift that made me feel good or the fact that Daddy was just around!
I guess, like any typical dad of his time, my father the late Col. Jose M. Mendoza, influenced my life by working behind the scenes. It was always Mom who was around us kids most of our growing life. Dad was mostly away,working hard to "bring home" the proverbial "bacon." In my case, since I was the second to the youngest in the family, I didn't really get to have much of the father-son bonding times. To top it all, I spent about 12 years in the seminary, away from my home and family, so that didn't give us any real time for physical proximity.
Nevertheless, when I look at how I'm being a father to my kids and a husband to my wife, I see how much Daddy has shaped my paradigm of what it is to be a Dad.
To begin with, I know Daddy loved to have kids (there were 7 of us after all!...or was it because he just couldn't keep his hands away from our beautiful Mom???) and he loved all of us! I remember him saying that he considered each of us kids good luck because whenever one of us was born, he got a promotion! So when it was my turn to be a dad, I also looked at the arrival of my kids as blessings (what I called my "happy thoughts" in the language of Peter Pan in "Hook.") I would have wanted more than three but Jaja said enough!
When anyone of us kids got sick it was important for Dad that we get well as quickly as possible. I remember us having boxes of comic books because whenever we got sick he would buy us comics to cheer us up.
Maybe it was also because he had such a happy childhood (if we believe the stories he and his siblings) that he wanted to have a big family himself and share the happiness he felt as a child with all of us kids.
Because Dad was into photography,all of us Mendoza kids have gazillions of pictures taken by him, from baby pics to memorable events when we were growing up. We each have a baby book that he and Mom tried their best to fill up with information so we would know about our own life's story later on. I don't know many kids who can say they have fathers who had such an interest in them to take time to save their memorabilia.
I've taken after Daddy when it comes to being sentimental about my kids. TJ, James and Tasha each have their own baby books and gazillions of photos. Maybe I've done better because I have photos of my kids from the time they were inside their mom (ultrasound photos) and also because I have some shots of them being taken out via C Section (taken by Kuya Zen.) Thanks to affordable videocams I've also captured my three boogers in action over the years.
Dad created a "culture"for us Mendoza's by observing "rituals" and laying down "traditions". I have carried on with some of these practices today.
For example, we had a seating arrangement at table with him and Mom on each end of the table and us kids occupying our designated places. He and Mom were the last to serve themselves, taking only the food that we left for them after getting our share.
We used to go to Mass together and for a good long while we would have a photo shoot of the family before boarding our green Chevy Station Wagon( "Old Faithful," we called it) to head off to church. He would call out: "All Aboard!" and like sailors we would take our places inside the car...although at times there would be some tussle about who would sit beside the window.
Because he and Mom were devout Catholics we prayed the rosary everyday and the Novenas to Our Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Joseph on their designated days (Wednesdays and March 19.) Dad felt it was his duty to show us that religion and the practice of one's faith was essential to a happy and sound family life.
We even had our own lingo. "Hamus" was our term for any pig that Mommy would raise (this I learned was taken from the cartoon Li'l Abner where the pig was named Hamus Alabamus.) We named our station wagon "Old Faithful." "Project Poor" was our term for the Directo's in Project 4 while Project Rich referred to Uncle Teofs brood.
For Dad, togetherness was a big thing. Staying in touch with family and kin was important.
On weekends he would take us to trips to Tagaytay, or have lunch outside if he had the extra money. Her made sure we watched family movies like: "The Sound of Music" or "Mary Poppins" together.We had family outings to Corregidor and regular summer trips to Lido beach (when these were still in pristine condition.) Then, we would also have our Holy Week vacations in Pangasinan, where all the Mendoza's would get together at Uncle Peds' house in Malasiqui.
Dad was a romantic. It was obvious that he loved Mommy very much because on Christmas day, Mommy's birthday and their wedding anniversary, Mom always received a treat or a special surprise. For Christmas, Mom would always get the traditional Whitman's sampler. After she opened it during Media Noche we would each get a piece. I recall that for her birthday she would get a bottle of expensive perfume. On their anniversary they would go out for dinner, and on their 25th anniversary they went on an Asian tour.
Up to the time Mommy died, Dad made Mommy feel she was the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth! He served her literally and tried to fulfill her every whim.
I recall him saying that whenever he received his bonus, Mommy would start thinking of the next expansion project to beautify our house at Annapolis, Greenhills. When he retired and the two of them were left on their own,they had a morning ritual of going to church, having breakfast at Mom's orchid house, then tending to the orchids, taking naps and discussing events.Dad would drive for Mom when he could and accompany her to trips to Unimart or other shopping centers.
All these practices and rituals may have been programmed into my psyche because I find myself doing the same things, although in different ways.
For example, we do have a seating arrangement at our dining table although James violates this time and again by sitting where he pleases. We try to go to Church as a family when we can,but again, James prefers to go to a particular time slot with his cousins. Then, we have our weekend outings to the mall, and then during the holidays we make it a point to visit our relatives.
I make it a point to be romantic towards my wife,surprising her with gifts and making special occasions really special for her. She has Dad to thank for this.
Daddy wasn't outwardly expressive about his love for us although we knew and felt that he loved us very much. He only started verbalizing his love for us kids after he attended a PSI Course, but that was later in his life. Perhaps his military training taught him not to be demonstrative about his affections. We knew we could count on him to listen to us and help us out whenever we ran to him for something.
For instance, I remember Ate Per approaching him for help on a Physics problem.Since he had advanced training on this when he was in PMA he made the problem simple enough for Ate to understand.
When he knew you were really interested in something,he supported you all the way.
When I was about 5 or 6 years old,he had a fatigue uniform specially tailored for me because I had expressed interest in following his footsteps as a soldier.
I once asked him to draw me a design for a machine gun because I wanted to make one out of wood. Although he knew this couldn't be done he drew me one anyway and even took time to explain how it should work.
When I was about 8 years old, I saw a junior chemistry set being sold at the Acme Grocery store in Forbes and told him I wanted one but it cost a lot of money back then (P 10.) Instead of saying "No,it's too expensive," he made me work for it. He made me a crude bank account and told me that for every centavo I saved out of my allowance he would put in the equivalent amount until we reached 10 pesos. I think it took me about a month to raise the needed amount to buy the set, but I felt good about having bought something out of my own money,even though it was subsidized.
When I got bitten by the camera bug,Dad bought me books, magazines, cameras and even "borrowed" photo equipment from PRRM,where he used to work, so I could indulge in this expensive hobby.
During my second year in High School I took an interest in Classical Guitar and when I showed him a book at Erehwon which cost P20 (a huge sum for a book then) he got me the book and later on bought me a guitar in Cebu which was made of Langka wood.
Dad loved to have fun and play practical jokes.
Once he bought a "Fly in the ice cube" from a novelty shop and placed this in Uncle Teofs drink during a party. Then there was the "Spilled ink" gag (a black colored ink blob with an ink bottle) which he placed on Ate Per's brand new Biology book. Ate was so upset at the thought that her new book was ruined, until Daddy revealed the prank.
One of the most memorable was the "Barf" gag. This was a rubberized vomit which if sprinkled with some water looked like real the real thing. Dad placed this on their bed and when Mom saw it vented her anger on our poor dog Charlie,whom she thought was responsible for the mess.
Daddy was a soldier to his country, a loving and romantic husband to Mom,a doting and caring father to all of us kids,a model Christian and father to me.
It has been said that the picture of God as a Father, we get from our earthly dads.
I am one of the lucky one's to have experienced God's love here on earth because of my Dad...and I hope to pass on this experience to my own kids.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
LIFE DOES NOT COME WITH AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL
TJ is into one of his "Life Sucks" moods again...and as usual it's because of being rejected by a girl. He's blaming himself for not being good looking and also for being your basically "good""well-mannered" average Joe. He now even considers his being"good" as the reason why this girl (Karlah or Steph?) just wants to be her friend and not something else. It's sad that he thinks being "good" is the cause of his downfall...being"good" is a liability because it's going to get you nowhere with girls nowadays! (Doh!) So does that mean girls today want their boys to have a mean streak??? Has the world really changed that much...for the worse?
Right now, I just feel helpless. I know the answer to this one. Everything he perceives "wrong" about his situation is in his head. But in spite of my efforts in the past to re-program his attitude towards himself and life, he still goes back to his Charlie Brown mentality when "tragedies"like these happen.
I know also that the thing to do is to convince him that in the long run, his "being good" will be recognized by some one who deserves his love, and that he should not give up on " being good."But, I know too well also...that sometimes it's better that he figure out the answer himself and all I can do is watch and be arouond to support him.
Well, the bright side to this is that he seems to have changed a bit. Now, he realizes he just has to go on with his life and act normal in spite of the pain and all. He even has a saying:" The smile is the best form of disguise..."
Life did not give us an instruction manual on how to handle cases such as this, which I can probably categorize as Case #26830-E: " Adolescent Son Undergoing Rejection by a Potential Crush & Taking It Against the World"
I guess I'll just have to accept this as one of the thrills of parenthood! :-)
Right now, I just feel helpless. I know the answer to this one. Everything he perceives "wrong" about his situation is in his head. But in spite of my efforts in the past to re-program his attitude towards himself and life, he still goes back to his Charlie Brown mentality when "tragedies"like these happen.
I know also that the thing to do is to convince him that in the long run, his "being good" will be recognized by some one who deserves his love, and that he should not give up on " being good."But, I know too well also...that sometimes it's better that he figure out the answer himself and all I can do is watch and be arouond to support him.
Well, the bright side to this is that he seems to have changed a bit. Now, he realizes he just has to go on with his life and act normal in spite of the pain and all. He even has a saying:" The smile is the best form of disguise..."
Life did not give us an instruction manual on how to handle cases such as this, which I can probably categorize as Case #26830-E: " Adolescent Son Undergoing Rejection by a Potential Crush & Taking It Against the World"
I guess I'll just have to accept this as one of the thrills of parenthood! :-)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
THE BEATLES' SECRETS
" Paul McCartney had an affair!"
"Brian Epstein was gay and in love with John Lennon!"
"The Beatles may have fathered many illegitimate children!"
"John Lennon had a lover Mae Wang...given to him by Yoko Ono!"
"John and Paul kept George at the sidelines!"
I watched a feature last week on TV entitled the Beatles' Secrets and honestly I was glued on to the set until the end of the show. The documentary-revelation showed people close to the Fab Four (their manager,close friend,publicist etc.) talking about things the Beatles did that any die-hard moptop fan would not want to hear about.
Among the interesting "facts" I learned:
- Brian Epstein really did create the Beatles, their image, their fame and fortune and he did his best to protect anything that would tarnish their wholesome image. When pregnant girls would claim one of the Four was the father of their child he'd simply pay them off. According to the narrative, Brian,who owned one of the biggest record producing outfits in the UK then, was always looking for new talent to promote.He and a friend visited the Tavern where the Beatles(the Journeymen) were performing and saw their potential. He signed them up and convinced them to change from a rowdy looking,leather-jacket-clad group to the clean -cut, mophaired, suit wearing quartet they have become known for. As a finishing touch to the transformation,he required the Beatles to bow after each song...another trademark. Epstein,who was gay and in love with John Lennon, was rumored to even have had a weekend alone with the sexually intrepid Chief Beatle. He died of drug overdose at the age of 32.
- Before they finally became The Beatles, Pete Best,the original drummer of the Silver Beatles had to be let go. As John Lennon remarked: "Pete Best was a good drummer...Ringo Starr was a good Beatle."
- Cynthia Lennon,John's first wife, was, for a good long while, the Beatles' secret. Since it would not have been good for their image to the fans to have one of them married, Cynthia had to bear not being with her husband in public. According to this feature, Cynthia was unhappy with the marriage anyway because John wasn't a good husband after all. When it became common knowledge that John was married, Cynthia was finally able to join them on tour.
- For the Beatles to be really considered a success, they had to conquer the USA. And so Brian had the Fab Four go on a road tour of different states. But even before this happened the group's "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "Please, Please Me" had already hit number 1 in the record charts. So when the boys did arrive they were shocked to find out how much Beatlemania had already affected US fans. When they performed live on the Ed Sullivan Show their manager claimed that all America watched.
- The constant touring finally took its toll on the Beatles such that they thought it had nothing to do with their growth as musicians. As their former manager related,it reached a point where the screaming fans and inane fan behavior sort of amused the boys they'd often make snide comments about it among themselves while they were onstage. Epstein still felt that they were supposed to do concerts so eventually the Beatles decided to go on their own. Thus, Apple Records was born.
- When they left behind the concert tours and concentrated on music the Beatles were able to produce many of their best and most memorable music ever. (found in Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, Revolver,Abbey Road, Let It Be) It was during this time that the Lennon-McCartney tandem really shone, but at the expense of George Harrison, who inspite of being a good musician himself, was not given any help by John and Paul.
- The decline of the Beatles began when they decided to go on their own and manage themselves. Since they didn't know anything about managing and making a profit they outfitted their headquarters with such extravagance, and their lavish lifestyles soon drained their finances.
- Personal troubles also beset the Liverpool four during this time. John, who had divorced Cynthia Lennon, one day walked in with his new mate,Yoko Ono. Paul and the others didn't like her and made her feel it so. Paul who was dating actress Jane Asher, broke up with her and had an affair with a publicist(I forgot her name but she's now old and so ugly you'd wonder why Paul took her on.) Eventually, Paul married Linda Eastman.
What did I feel while the Beatles' deep dark secrets were being revealed? Generally, I didn't feel let down or get a shock. (Maybe, after seeing how ugly Paul's paramour was now.)if I had known all these when I was still a kid, I would have been disappointed. But now, I understand that the Beatles were after all, human. Although they were literally worshipped as "gods of rock and roll" during their time,they were subject to human frailty.
For me, what matters is that these Fabulous Four from Liverpool once upon a time (and even till now) brightened my life with their music.
"Brian Epstein was gay and in love with John Lennon!"
"The Beatles may have fathered many illegitimate children!"
"John Lennon had a lover Mae Wang...given to him by Yoko Ono!"
"John and Paul kept George at the sidelines!"
I watched a feature last week on TV entitled the Beatles' Secrets and honestly I was glued on to the set until the end of the show. The documentary-revelation showed people close to the Fab Four (their manager,close friend,publicist etc.) talking about things the Beatles did that any die-hard moptop fan would not want to hear about.
Among the interesting "facts" I learned:
- Brian Epstein really did create the Beatles, their image, their fame and fortune and he did his best to protect anything that would tarnish their wholesome image. When pregnant girls would claim one of the Four was the father of their child he'd simply pay them off. According to the narrative, Brian,who owned one of the biggest record producing outfits in the UK then, was always looking for new talent to promote.He and a friend visited the Tavern where the Beatles(the Journeymen) were performing and saw their potential. He signed them up and convinced them to change from a rowdy looking,leather-jacket-clad group to the clean -cut, mophaired, suit wearing quartet they have become known for. As a finishing touch to the transformation,he required the Beatles to bow after each song...another trademark. Epstein,who was gay and in love with John Lennon, was rumored to even have had a weekend alone with the sexually intrepid Chief Beatle. He died of drug overdose at the age of 32.
- Before they finally became The Beatles, Pete Best,the original drummer of the Silver Beatles had to be let go. As John Lennon remarked: "Pete Best was a good drummer...Ringo Starr was a good Beatle."
- Cynthia Lennon,John's first wife, was, for a good long while, the Beatles' secret. Since it would not have been good for their image to the fans to have one of them married, Cynthia had to bear not being with her husband in public. According to this feature, Cynthia was unhappy with the marriage anyway because John wasn't a good husband after all. When it became common knowledge that John was married, Cynthia was finally able to join them on tour.
- For the Beatles to be really considered a success, they had to conquer the USA. And so Brian had the Fab Four go on a road tour of different states. But even before this happened the group's "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "Please, Please Me" had already hit number 1 in the record charts. So when the boys did arrive they were shocked to find out how much Beatlemania had already affected US fans. When they performed live on the Ed Sullivan Show their manager claimed that all America watched.
- The constant touring finally took its toll on the Beatles such that they thought it had nothing to do with their growth as musicians. As their former manager related,it reached a point where the screaming fans and inane fan behavior sort of amused the boys they'd often make snide comments about it among themselves while they were onstage. Epstein still felt that they were supposed to do concerts so eventually the Beatles decided to go on their own. Thus, Apple Records was born.
- When they left behind the concert tours and concentrated on music the Beatles were able to produce many of their best and most memorable music ever. (found in Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, Revolver,Abbey Road, Let It Be) It was during this time that the Lennon-McCartney tandem really shone, but at the expense of George Harrison, who inspite of being a good musician himself, was not given any help by John and Paul.
- The decline of the Beatles began when they decided to go on their own and manage themselves. Since they didn't know anything about managing and making a profit they outfitted their headquarters with such extravagance, and their lavish lifestyles soon drained their finances.
- Personal troubles also beset the Liverpool four during this time. John, who had divorced Cynthia Lennon, one day walked in with his new mate,Yoko Ono. Paul and the others didn't like her and made her feel it so. Paul who was dating actress Jane Asher, broke up with her and had an affair with a publicist(I forgot her name but she's now old and so ugly you'd wonder why Paul took her on.) Eventually, Paul married Linda Eastman.
What did I feel while the Beatles' deep dark secrets were being revealed? Generally, I didn't feel let down or get a shock. (Maybe, after seeing how ugly Paul's paramour was now.)if I had known all these when I was still a kid, I would have been disappointed. But now, I understand that the Beatles were after all, human. Although they were literally worshipped as "gods of rock and roll" during their time,they were subject to human frailty.
For me, what matters is that these Fabulous Four from Liverpool once upon a time (and even till now) brightened my life with their music.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
LEARNING ABOUT MY KIDS...THRU THE INTERNET!!!
"What has this world come to?" I ask myself.
The other day as I was switching to another url on my home PC, I accidentally opened my son TJ's "secret journal" at livejournal.com. Curious as to what he was writing about I scrolled through some entries and when I confirmed that he was writing about his feelings and experiences I thought I'd read some more, but at the office where he would not notice me. So, I remembered the url then turned off the computer, reminding my self to get back to it the following day.
Yesterday at the office, I went back to the livejournal address and this time read through all the logs. There were over 40 entries dating back to May of last year(2004). There would have been more except that he had deleted many of them since he wanted to get rid of the past.
Reading through his blogs was depressing. Here was my eldest kid,only 19 years old and already so depressed and desperate about the way his life was going...("Life sucked" as he put it)... that he even wanted God to strike him down and end it!
When I checked the dates of his entries I understood the context of his rantings.
There was a period last year when he had a series of "failures" both in his academics and his just blossoming love life. He had failed some major subjects in Computer Science (for which I threatened him with an ultimatum that he should pass or else...) Then, there was his broken heart from the cold treatment given him by his first love and crush Steph.
What was exasperating was that he was despairing over matters that were really not wat you would categorize under:"the end of the world."
The other day as I was switching to another url on my home PC, I accidentally opened my son TJ's "secret journal" at livejournal.com. Curious as to what he was writing about I scrolled through some entries and when I confirmed that he was writing about his feelings and experiences I thought I'd read some more, but at the office where he would not notice me. So, I remembered the url then turned off the computer, reminding my self to get back to it the following day.
Yesterday at the office, I went back to the livejournal address and this time read through all the logs. There were over 40 entries dating back to May of last year(2004). There would have been more except that he had deleted many of them since he wanted to get rid of the past.
Reading through his blogs was depressing. Here was my eldest kid,only 19 years old and already so depressed and desperate about the way his life was going...("Life sucked" as he put it)... that he even wanted God to strike him down and end it!
When I checked the dates of his entries I understood the context of his rantings.
There was a period last year when he had a series of "failures" both in his academics and his just blossoming love life. He had failed some major subjects in Computer Science (for which I threatened him with an ultimatum that he should pass or else...) Then, there was his broken heart from the cold treatment given him by his first love and crush Steph.
What was exasperating was that he was despairing over matters that were really not wat you would categorize under:"the end of the world."
For heaven's sake I wasn't really going to kill him for failing class...mad maybe, at the waste of money...but not enough to murder my own son! In fact, he got away with a slap on the wrist because we've continued to pay for his education anyway.
I felt helpless though because the only way he could solve his problem (and he admitted this in his blogs) was for him to get out of his Charlie Brown frame of mind and things would be easier to solve! Unfortunately, he seemed to prefer wallowing in self-pity.
Good thing about this blogging online is that he was sharing his feelings with some close friends and from their responses it appears they may have given him encouragement to snap out of it and go on with his life.
I felt helpless though because the only way he could solve his problem (and he admitted this in his blogs) was for him to get out of his Charlie Brown frame of mind and things would be easier to solve! Unfortunately, he seemed to prefer wallowing in self-pity.
Good thing about this blogging online is that he was sharing his feelings with some close friends and from their responses it appears they may have given him encouragement to snap out of it and go on with his life.
Although sometimes I didn't fully agree with their own attitudes towards life.
The other good thing I noted was that TJ could write well and express himself. His blogs, though not your daily perk me up thoughts for the day, were interesting.
The sad thing about it was that I was supposed to be there for him when these things happened ... and I wasn't.
I emailed my wife about my discovery and forwarded the address to her. After some time she emailed back saying she felt like a failure as a parent.
Later on when we were together in the gym, I told her not to worry for now because when I checked TJs entries he had not posted anymore depressing thoughts from January to May this year. At least this was a good sign for me.
So again, what has this world come to,that I have to find out about my kids through the Internet, and not through face to face communication as I thought it should be.
This was not the first time this happened too.
One time we were both online, he on his computer upstairs and I on our PC downstairs, when I decided to send him an Audible message through Yahoo Messenger. This started a series of silly exchanges between us but after a while he started opening up to me...through the Internet!
He told me about his latest crush Karlah and even showed me her photo. This was not your usual way of having a father and son talk... but it worked.
James, my second son, was another one of my kids I got to know more about through the net.
He had been using my laptop at the office for sending messages to his Friendster and like what happened to my discovery of TJ's journal I accidentally opened James' account.
From the testimonials given by his friends, I learned the following things about James:
1. At school he was known as "Tacho."
2. He was a good friend to many,fun to be with and regarded as a buddy who would always be there for you.
3. He must've lent many of his friends money because they praised him for that.
4. He had a reputation for being a good bass player!(Hayop sa bass!) And to think he just took up bass in about a year.
5. He regards himself as not your intellectual type (doesn't read too many books) but he's serious about life...and his music. (I didn't recognize the musicians he idolized though...so they must be rockers)
Owel (that's TJcomputerese for "Oh well") if the net helps me know more about my kids and helps me raise them up better...who's complaining?
Now, I wonder where Tasha's secret journal is...
The other good thing I noted was that TJ could write well and express himself. His blogs, though not your daily perk me up thoughts for the day, were interesting.
The sad thing about it was that I was supposed to be there for him when these things happened ... and I wasn't.
I emailed my wife about my discovery and forwarded the address to her. After some time she emailed back saying she felt like a failure as a parent.
Later on when we were together in the gym, I told her not to worry for now because when I checked TJs entries he had not posted anymore depressing thoughts from January to May this year. At least this was a good sign for me.
So again, what has this world come to,that I have to find out about my kids through the Internet, and not through face to face communication as I thought it should be.
This was not the first time this happened too.
One time we were both online, he on his computer upstairs and I on our PC downstairs, when I decided to send him an Audible message through Yahoo Messenger. This started a series of silly exchanges between us but after a while he started opening up to me...through the Internet!
He told me about his latest crush Karlah and even showed me her photo. This was not your usual way of having a father and son talk... but it worked.
James, my second son, was another one of my kids I got to know more about through the net.
He had been using my laptop at the office for sending messages to his Friendster and like what happened to my discovery of TJ's journal I accidentally opened James' account.
From the testimonials given by his friends, I learned the following things about James:
1. At school he was known as "Tacho."
2. He was a good friend to many,fun to be with and regarded as a buddy who would always be there for you.
3. He must've lent many of his friends money because they praised him for that.
4. He had a reputation for being a good bass player!(Hayop sa bass!) And to think he just took up bass in about a year.
5. He regards himself as not your intellectual type (doesn't read too many books) but he's serious about life...and his music. (I didn't recognize the musicians he idolized though...so they must be rockers)
Owel (that's TJcomputerese for "Oh well") if the net helps me know more about my kids and helps me raise them up better...who's complaining?
Now, I wonder where Tasha's secret journal is...
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