Tuesday, June 28, 2005

HIGHLIGHTS OF MY WEEK: JUNE 20 -26

June 26 - Watched Beauty and the Beast musical at the Meralco Theater with the whole family. Starred KC Concepcion who was pretty good though lacked a powerful voice to reach the high notes. The Beast was disappointing, lacked power. Gaston was a bit better. I had seen the Broadway version so everything else pales in comparison unfortunately.

June 25 -JAMES' 17th birthday. He and TJ were in Las Villas since they had a sleepover at Esan Javahey's after a night of computer gaming at Blue Skies. Jaja was sick so I brought Tash to the gym then went to Richmonde to do my light lower body workout. I bought cake, salmon,pasta and foodstuff for James' party this evening. I ended up cooking it too. I prepared Aglio Olio. We had a lot of food but few guests since Greenhills and Villas folks couldn't make it. Kuya Zen, Ate Per and Jerome also left for Munich this evening, so we only had Louie and Iris Doria, Vika,Aleks and Ayana as James' guests.

June 24 - Jaja took the day off to be with her Basa airbase barkada. They went to Sonia's garden and Ilog Maria. We had a mini-product board this morning and I was stuffed with new product samples (veggie siopao, roasted chix asado, chicken supreme, pancit etc.) I attended the graduation of Batch 127 then went to the gym before fetching Tash and Jaja at Gymnastica

June 23 - RDRs and Jem's birthday. I wished Mavie goodluck on her Excom presentation because I knew she would be uptight about it...which in fact she was. I went to Greenhills to sign the documents needed for my dollar investment. I went through the tiangge and bought some gardening stuff at the Do It Yourself shop. Ate lunch at Max's to try out their pancit canton which was lousy! I fetched Tash early and we went to Robinson's Galeria where we were to meet up with Jaja and james. Ja bought a new Whirlpool 7.5 kg washing machine on credit for 10K.

June 22 - ISAH TORRALBA s birthday. We held the birthday bash for RDR this morning since he was going to have an Excom meeting tomorrow, his real birthday. In spite of the short preparation, things tirned out well. Padz and Jeric did a great job hosting the program. Vhing invited me out to lunch at Salsa Rossa and we talked about Ever's pending annulment case.

June 21 - Had a product work group meeting this morning. I double checked the preparations for RDRs birthday tomorrow. At least, Jeric and Edward had practised their song.

June 20 - I re applied for my AMWAY membership c/o Jimmy.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

MY DAD:THOUGHTS ON FATHER'S DAY

I was about 7 years old and was home sick. When I woke up I remember seeing Daddy at my bedside, in his khaki uniform (he had just come home from work) and he handed me a toy, a battery operated tin robot that just basically moved around when switched on. It was a get well present and boy, did it make me feel good!

I don't know why...but when I try to recall what Daddy was like,this is the first memory that comes to mind. When I look back now, I'm not sure whether it was the gift that made me feel good or the fact that Daddy was just around!

I guess, like any typical dad of his time, my father the late Col. Jose M. Mendoza, influenced my life by working behind the scenes. It was always Mom who was around us kids most of our growing life. Dad was mostly away,working hard to "bring home" the proverbial "bacon." In my case, since I was the second to the youngest in the family, I didn't really get to have much of the father-son bonding times. To top it all, I spent about 12 years in the seminary, away from my home and family, so that didn't give us any real time for physical proximity.

Nevertheless, when I look at how I'm being a father to my kids and a husband to my wife, I see how much Daddy has shaped my paradigm of what it is to be a Dad.

To begin with, I know Daddy loved to have kids (there were 7 of us after all!...or was it because he just couldn't keep his hands away from our beautiful Mom???) and he loved all of us! I remember him saying that he considered each of us kids good luck because whenever one of us was born, he got a promotion! So when it was my turn to be a dad, I also looked at the arrival of my kids as blessings (what I called my "happy thoughts" in the language of Peter Pan in "Hook.") I would have wanted more than three but Jaja said enough!

When anyone of us kids got sick it was important for Dad that we get well as quickly as possible. I remember us having boxes of comic books because whenever we got sick he would buy us comics to cheer us up.

Maybe it was also because he had such a happy childhood (if we believe the stories he and his siblings) that he wanted to have a big family himself and share the happiness he felt as a child with all of us kids.

Because Dad was into photography,all of us Mendoza kids have gazillions of pictures taken by him, from baby pics to memorable events when we were growing up. We each have a baby book that he and Mom tried their best to fill up with information so we would know about our own life's story later on. I don't know many kids who can say they have fathers who had such an interest in them to take time to save their memorabilia.

I've taken after Daddy when it comes to being sentimental about my kids. TJ, James and Tasha each have their own baby books and gazillions of photos. Maybe I've done better because I have photos of my kids from the time they were inside their mom (ultrasound photos) and also because I have some shots of them being taken out via C Section (taken by Kuya Zen.) Thanks to affordable videocams I've also captured my three boogers in action over the years.

Dad created a "culture"for us Mendoza's by observing "rituals" and laying down "traditions". I have carried on with some of these practices today.

For example, we had a seating arrangement at table with him and Mom on each end of the table and us kids occupying our designated places. He and Mom were the last to serve themselves, taking only the food that we left for them after getting our share.

We used to go to Mass together and for a good long while we would have a photo shoot of the family before boarding our green Chevy Station Wagon( "Old Faithful," we called it) to head off to church. He would call out: "All Aboard!" and like sailors we would take our places inside the car...although at times there would be some tussle about who would sit beside the window.

Because he and Mom were devout Catholics we prayed the rosary everyday and the Novenas to Our Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Joseph on their designated days (Wednesdays and March 19.) Dad felt it was his duty to show us that religion and the practice of one's faith was essential to a happy and sound family life.

We even had our own lingo. "Hamus" was our term for any pig that Mommy would raise (this I learned was taken from the cartoon Li'l Abner where the pig was named Hamus Alabamus.) We named our station wagon "Old Faithful." "Project Poor" was our term for the Directo's in Project 4 while Project Rich referred to Uncle Teofs brood.

For Dad, togetherness was a big thing. Staying in touch with family and kin was important.

On weekends he would take us to trips to Tagaytay, or have lunch outside if he had the extra money. Her made sure we watched family movies like: "The Sound of Music" or "Mary Poppins" together.We had family outings to Corregidor and regular summer trips to Lido beach (when these were still in pristine condition.) Then, we would also have our Holy Week vacations in Pangasinan, where all the Mendoza's would get together at Uncle Peds' house in Malasiqui.

Dad was a romantic. It was obvious that he loved Mommy very much because on Christmas day, Mommy's birthday and their wedding anniversary, Mom always received a treat or a special surprise. For Christmas, Mom would always get the traditional Whitman's sampler. After she opened it during Media Noche we would each get a piece. I recall that for her birthday she would get a bottle of expensive perfume. On their anniversary they would go out for dinner, and on their 25th anniversary they went on an Asian tour.

Up to the time Mommy died, Dad made Mommy feel she was the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth! He served her literally and tried to fulfill her every whim.

I recall him saying that whenever he received his bonus, Mommy would start thinking of the next expansion project to beautify our house at Annapolis, Greenhills. When he retired and the two of them were left on their own,they had a morning ritual of going to church, having breakfast at Mom's orchid house, then tending to the orchids, taking naps and discussing events.Dad would drive for Mom when he could and accompany her to trips to Unimart or other shopping centers.


All these practices and rituals may have been programmed into my psyche because I find myself doing the same things, although in different ways.

For example, we do have a seating arrangement at our dining table although James violates this time and again by sitting where he pleases. We try to go to Church as a family when we can,but again, James prefers to go to a particular time slot with his cousins. Then, we have our weekend outings to the mall, and then during the holidays we make it a point to visit our relatives.

I make it a point to be romantic towards my wife,surprising her with gifts and making special occasions really special for her. She has Dad to thank for this.

Daddy wasn't outwardly expressive about his love for us although we knew and felt that he loved us very much. He only started verbalizing his love for us kids after he attended a PSI Course, but that was later in his life. Perhaps his military training taught him not to be demonstrative about his affections. We knew we could count on him to listen to us and help us out whenever we ran to him for something.

For instance, I remember Ate Per approaching him for help on a Physics problem.Since he had advanced training on this when he was in PMA he made the problem simple enough for Ate to understand.

When he knew you were really interested in something,he supported you all the way.

When I was about 5 or 6 years old,he had a fatigue uniform specially tailored for me because I had expressed interest in following his footsteps as a soldier.

I once asked him to draw me a design for a machine gun because I wanted to make one out of wood. Although he knew this couldn't be done he drew me one anyway and even took time to explain how it should work.

When I was about 8 years old, I saw a junior chemistry set being sold at the Acme Grocery store in Forbes and told him I wanted one but it cost a lot of money back then (P 10.) Instead of saying "No,it's too expensive," he made me work for it. He made me a crude bank account and told me that for every centavo I saved out of my allowance he would put in the equivalent amount until we reached 10 pesos. I think it took me about a month to raise the needed amount to buy the set, but I felt good about having bought something out of my own money,even though it was subsidized.

When I got bitten by the camera bug,Dad bought me books, magazines, cameras and even "borrowed" photo equipment from PRRM,where he used to work, so I could indulge in this expensive hobby.

During my second year in High School I took an interest in Classical Guitar and when I showed him a book at Erehwon which cost P20 (a huge sum for a book then) he got me the book and later on bought me a guitar in Cebu which was made of Langka wood.

Dad loved to have fun and play practical jokes.

Once he bought a "Fly in the ice cube" from a novelty shop and placed this in Uncle Teofs drink during a party. Then there was the "Spilled ink" gag (a black colored ink blob with an ink bottle) which he placed on Ate Per's brand new Biology book. Ate was so upset at the thought that her new book was ruined, until Daddy revealed the prank.

One of the most memorable was the "Barf" gag. This was a rubberized vomit which if sprinkled with some water looked like real the real thing. Dad placed this on their bed and when Mom saw it vented her anger on our poor dog Charlie,whom she thought was responsible for the mess.

Daddy was a soldier to his country, a loving and romantic husband to Mom,a doting and caring father to all of us kids,a model Christian and father to me.

It has been said that the picture of God as a Father, we get from our earthly dads.


I am one of the lucky one's to have experienced God's love here on earth because of my Dad...and I hope to pass on this experience to my own kids.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

LIFE DOES NOT COME WITH AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL

TJ is into one of his "Life Sucks" moods again...and as usual it's because of being rejected by a girl. He's blaming himself for not being good looking and also for being your basically "good""well-mannered" average Joe. He now even considers his being"good" as the reason why this girl (Karlah or Steph?) just wants to be her friend and not something else. It's sad that he thinks being "good" is the cause of his downfall...being"good" is a liability because it's going to get you nowhere with girls nowadays! (Doh!) So does that mean girls today want their boys to have a mean streak??? Has the world really changed that much...for the worse?

Right now, I just feel helpless. I know the answer to this one. Everything he perceives "wrong" about his situation is in his head. But in spite of my efforts in the past to re-program his attitude towards himself and life, he still goes back to his Charlie Brown mentality when "tragedies"like these happen.

I know also that the thing to do is to convince him that in the long run, his "being good" will be recognized by some one who deserves his love, and that he should not give up on " being good."But, I know too well also...that sometimes it's better that he figure out the answer himself and all I can do is watch and be arouond to support him.

Well, the bright side to this is that he seems to have changed a bit. Now, he realizes he just has to go on with his life and act normal in spite of the pain and all. He even has a saying:" The smile is the best form of disguise..."

Life did not give us an instruction manual on how to handle cases such as this, which I can probably categorize as Case #26830-E: " Adolescent Son Undergoing Rejection by a Potential Crush & Taking It Against the World"

I guess I'll just have to accept this as one of the thrills of parenthood! :-)

Sunday, June 05, 2005

THE BEATLES' SECRETS

" Paul McCartney had an affair!"
"Brian Epstein was gay and in love with John Lennon!"
"The Beatles may have fathered many illegitimate children!"
"John Lennon had a lover Mae Wang...given to him by Yoko Ono!"
"John and Paul kept George at the sidelines!"

I watched a feature last week on TV entitled the Beatles' Secrets and honestly I was glued on to the set until the end of the show. The documentary-revelation showed people close to the Fab Four (their manager,close friend,publicist etc.) talking about things the Beatles did that any die-hard moptop fan would not want to hear about.

Among the interesting "facts" I learned:

- Brian Epstein really did create the Beatles, their image, their fame and fortune and he did his best to protect anything that would tarnish their wholesome image. When pregnant girls would claim one of the Four was the father of their child he'd simply pay them off. According to the narrative, Brian,who owned one of the biggest record producing outfits in the UK then, was always looking for new talent to promote.He and a friend visited the Tavern where the Beatles(the Journeymen) were performing and saw their potential. He signed them up and convinced them to change from a rowdy looking,leather-jacket-clad group to the clean -cut, mophaired, suit wearing quartet they have become known for. As a finishing touch to the transformation,he required the Beatles to bow after each song...another trademark. Epstein,who was gay and in love with John Lennon, was rumored to even have had a weekend alone with the sexually intrepid Chief Beatle. He died of drug overdose at the age of 32.

- Before they finally became The Beatles, Pete Best,the original drummer of the Silver Beatles had to be let go. As John Lennon remarked: "Pete Best was a good drummer...Ringo Starr was a good Beatle."

- Cynthia Lennon,John's first wife, was, for a good long while, the Beatles' secret. Since it would not have been good for their image to the fans to have one of them married, Cynthia had to bear not being with her husband in public. According to this feature, Cynthia was unhappy with the marriage anyway because John wasn't a good husband after all. When it became common knowledge that John was married, Cynthia was finally able to join them on tour.

- For the Beatles to be really considered a success, they had to conquer the USA. And so Brian had the Fab Four go on a road tour of different states. But even before this happened the group's "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and "Please, Please Me" had already hit number 1 in the record charts. So when the boys did arrive they were shocked to find out how much Beatlemania had already affected US fans. When they performed live on the Ed Sullivan Show their manager claimed that all America watched.


- The constant touring finally took its toll on the Beatles such that they thought it had nothing to do with their growth as musicians. As their former manager related,it reached a point where the screaming fans and inane fan behavior sort of amused the boys they'd often make snide comments about it among themselves while they were onstage. Epstein still felt that they were supposed to do concerts so eventually the Beatles decided to go on their own. Thus, Apple Records was born.

- When they left behind the concert tours and concentrated on music the Beatles were able to produce many of their best and most memorable music ever. (found in Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, Revolver,Abbey Road, Let It Be) It was during this time that the Lennon-McCartney tandem really shone, but at the expense of George Harrison, who inspite of being a good musician himself, was not given any help by John and Paul.

- The decline of the Beatles began when they decided to go on their own and manage themselves. Since they didn't know anything about managing and making a profit they outfitted their headquarters with such extravagance, and their lavish lifestyles soon drained their finances.

- Personal troubles also beset the Liverpool four during this time. John, who had divorced Cynthia Lennon, one day walked in with his new mate,Yoko Ono. Paul and the others didn't like her and made her feel it so. Paul who was dating actress Jane Asher, broke up with her and had an affair with a publicist(I forgot her name but she's now old and so ugly you'd wonder why Paul took her on.) Eventually, Paul married Linda Eastman.

What did I feel while the Beatles' deep dark secrets were being revealed? Generally, I didn't feel let down or get a shock. (Maybe, after seeing how ugly Paul's paramour was now.)if I had known all these when I was still a kid, I would have been disappointed. But now, I understand that the Beatles were after all, human. Although they were literally worshipped as "gods of rock and roll" during their time,they were subject to human frailty.

For me, what matters is that these Fabulous Four from Liverpool once upon a time (and even till now) brightened my life with their music.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

LEARNING ABOUT MY KIDS...THRU THE INTERNET!!!

"What has this world come to?" I ask myself.

The other day as I was switching to another url on my home PC, I accidentally opened my son TJ's "secret journal" at livejournal.com. Curious as to what he was writing about I scrolled through some entries and when I confirmed that he was writing about his feelings and experiences I thought I'd read some more, but at the office where he would not notice me. So, I remembered the url then turned off the computer, reminding my self to get back to it the following day.

Yesterday at the office, I went back to the livejournal address and this time read through all the logs. There were over 40 entries dating back to May of last year(2004). There would have been more except that he had deleted many of them since he wanted to get rid of the past.

Reading through his blogs was depressing. Here was my eldest kid,only 19 years old and already so depressed and desperate about the way his life was going...("Life sucked" as he put it)... that he even wanted God to strike him down and end it!

When I checked the dates of his entries I understood the context of his rantings.

There was a period last year when he had a series of "failures" both in his academics and his just blossoming love life. He had failed some major subjects in Computer Science (for which I threatened him with an ultimatum that he should pass or else...) Then, there was his broken heart from the cold treatment given him by his first love and crush Steph.


What was exasperating was that he was despairing over matters that were really not wat you would categorize under:"the end of the world."

For heaven's sake I wasn't really going to kill him for failing class...mad maybe, at the waste of money...but not enough to murder my own son! In fact, he got away with a slap on the wrist because we've continued to pay for his education anyway.

I felt helpless though because the only way he could solve his problem (and he admitted this in his blogs) was for him to get out of his Charlie Brown frame of mind and things would be easier to solve! Unfortunately, he seemed to prefer wallowing in self-pity.

Good thing about this blogging online is that he was sharing his feelings with some close friends and from their responses it appears they may have given him encouragement to snap out of it and go on with his life.

Although sometimes I didn't fully agree with their own attitudes towards life.

The other good thing I noted was that TJ could write well and express himself. His blogs, though not your daily perk me up thoughts for the day, were interesting.

The sad thing about it was that I was supposed to be there for him when these things happened ... and I wasn't.

I emailed my wife about my discovery and forwarded the address to her. After some time she emailed back saying she felt like a failure as a parent.

Later on when we were together in the gym, I told her not to worry for now because when I checked TJs entries he had not posted anymore depressing thoughts from January to May this year. At least this was a good sign for me.

So again, what has this world come to,that I have to find out about my kids through the Internet, and not through face to face communication as I thought it should be.

This was not the first time this happened too.

One time we were both online, he on his computer upstairs and I on our PC downstairs, when I decided to send him an Audible message through Yahoo Messenger. This started a series of silly exchanges between us but after a while he started opening up to me...through the Internet!


He told me about his latest crush Karlah and even showed me her photo. This was not your usual way of having a father and son talk... but it worked.

James, my second son, was another one of my kids I got to know more about through the net.

He had been using my laptop at the office for sending messages to his Friendster and like what happened to my discovery of TJ's journal I accidentally opened James' account.

From the testimonials given by his friends, I learned the following things about James:

1. At school he was known as "Tacho."
2. He was a good friend to many,fun to be with and regarded as a buddy who would always be there for you.
3. He must've lent many of his friends money because they praised him for that.
4. He had a reputation for being a good bass player!(Hayop sa bass!) And to think he just took up bass in about a year.
5. He regards himself as not your intellectual type (doesn't read too many books) but he's serious about life...and his music. (I didn't recognize the musicians he idolized though...so they must be rockers)

Owel (that's TJcomputerese for "Oh well") if the net helps me know more about my kids and helps me raise them up better...who's complaining?

Now, I wonder where Tasha's secret journal is...