I was about 7 years old and was home sick. When I woke up I remember seeing Daddy at my bedside, in his khaki uniform (he had just come home from work) and he handed me a toy, a battery operated tin robot that just basically moved around when switched on. It was a get well present and boy, did it make me feel good!
I don't know why...but when I try to recall what Daddy was like,this is the first memory that comes to mind. When I look back now, I'm not sure whether it was the gift that made me feel good or the fact that Daddy was just around!
I guess, like any typical dad of his time, my father the late Col. Jose M. Mendoza, influenced my life by working behind the scenes. It was always Mom who was around us kids most of our growing life. Dad was mostly away,working hard to "bring home" the proverbial "bacon." In my case, since I was the second to the youngest in the family, I didn't really get to have much of the father-son bonding times. To top it all, I spent about 12 years in the seminary, away from my home and family, so that didn't give us any real time for physical proximity.
Nevertheless, when I look at how I'm being a father to my kids and a husband to my wife, I see how much Daddy has shaped my paradigm of what it is to be a Dad.
To begin with, I know Daddy loved to have kids (there were 7 of us after all!...or was it because he just couldn't keep his hands away from our beautiful Mom???) and he loved all of us! I remember him saying that he considered each of us kids good luck because whenever one of us was born, he got a promotion! So when it was my turn to be a dad, I also looked at the arrival of my kids as blessings (what I called my "happy thoughts" in the language of Peter Pan in "Hook.") I would have wanted more than three but Jaja said enough!
When anyone of us kids got sick it was important for Dad that we get well as quickly as possible. I remember us having boxes of comic books because whenever we got sick he would buy us comics to cheer us up.
Maybe it was also because he had such a happy childhood (if we believe the stories he and his siblings) that he wanted to have a big family himself and share the happiness he felt as a child with all of us kids.
Because Dad was into photography,all of us Mendoza kids have gazillions of pictures taken by him, from baby pics to memorable events when we were growing up. We each have a baby book that he and Mom tried their best to fill up with information so we would know about our own life's story later on. I don't know many kids who can say they have fathers who had such an interest in them to take time to save their memorabilia.
I've taken after Daddy when it comes to being sentimental about my kids. TJ, James and Tasha each have their own baby books and gazillions of photos. Maybe I've done better because I have photos of my kids from the time they were inside their mom (ultrasound photos) and also because I have some shots of them being taken out via C Section (taken by Kuya Zen.) Thanks to affordable videocams I've also captured my three boogers in action over the years.
Dad created a "culture"for us Mendoza's by observing "rituals" and laying down "traditions". I have carried on with some of these practices today.
For example, we had a seating arrangement at table with him and Mom on each end of the table and us kids occupying our designated places. He and Mom were the last to serve themselves, taking only the food that we left for them after getting our share.
We used to go to Mass together and for a good long while we would have a photo shoot of the family before boarding our green Chevy Station Wagon( "Old Faithful," we called it) to head off to church. He would call out: "All Aboard!" and like sailors we would take our places inside the car...although at times there would be some tussle about who would sit beside the window.
Because he and Mom were devout Catholics we prayed the rosary everyday and the Novenas to Our Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Joseph on their designated days (Wednesdays and March 19.) Dad felt it was his duty to show us that religion and the practice of one's faith was essential to a happy and sound family life.
We even had our own lingo. "Hamus" was our term for any pig that Mommy would raise (this I learned was taken from the cartoon Li'l Abner where the pig was named Hamus Alabamus.) We named our station wagon "Old Faithful." "Project Poor" was our term for the Directo's in Project 4 while Project Rich referred to Uncle Teofs brood.
For Dad, togetherness was a big thing. Staying in touch with family and kin was important.
On weekends he would take us to trips to Tagaytay, or have lunch outside if he had the extra money. Her made sure we watched family movies like: "The Sound of Music" or "Mary Poppins" together.We had family outings to Corregidor and regular summer trips to Lido beach (when these were still in pristine condition.) Then, we would also have our Holy Week vacations in Pangasinan, where all the Mendoza's would get together at Uncle Peds' house in Malasiqui.
Dad was a romantic. It was obvious that he loved Mommy very much because on Christmas day, Mommy's birthday and their wedding anniversary, Mom always received a treat or a special surprise. For Christmas, Mom would always get the traditional Whitman's sampler. After she opened it during Media Noche we would each get a piece. I recall that for her birthday she would get a bottle of expensive perfume. On their anniversary they would go out for dinner, and on their 25th anniversary they went on an Asian tour.
Up to the time Mommy died, Dad made Mommy feel she was the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth! He served her literally and tried to fulfill her every whim.
I recall him saying that whenever he received his bonus, Mommy would start thinking of the next expansion project to beautify our house at Annapolis, Greenhills. When he retired and the two of them were left on their own,they had a morning ritual of going to church, having breakfast at Mom's orchid house, then tending to the orchids, taking naps and discussing events.Dad would drive for Mom when he could and accompany her to trips to Unimart or other shopping centers.
All these practices and rituals may have been programmed into my psyche because I find myself doing the same things, although in different ways.
For example, we do have a seating arrangement at our dining table although James violates this time and again by sitting where he pleases. We try to go to Church as a family when we can,but again, James prefers to go to a particular time slot with his cousins. Then, we have our weekend outings to the mall, and then during the holidays we make it a point to visit our relatives.
I make it a point to be romantic towards my wife,surprising her with gifts and making special occasions really special for her. She has Dad to thank for this.
Daddy wasn't outwardly expressive about his love for us although we knew and felt that he loved us very much. He only started verbalizing his love for us kids after he attended a PSI Course, but that was later in his life. Perhaps his military training taught him not to be demonstrative about his affections. We knew we could count on him to listen to us and help us out whenever we ran to him for something.
For instance, I remember Ate Per approaching him for help on a Physics problem.Since he had advanced training on this when he was in PMA he made the problem simple enough for Ate to understand.
When he knew you were really interested in something,he supported you all the way.
When I was about 5 or 6 years old,he had a fatigue uniform specially tailored for me because I had expressed interest in following his footsteps as a soldier.
I once asked him to draw me a design for a machine gun because I wanted to make one out of wood. Although he knew this couldn't be done he drew me one anyway and even took time to explain how it should work.
When I was about 8 years old, I saw a junior chemistry set being sold at the Acme Grocery store in Forbes and told him I wanted one but it cost a lot of money back then (P 10.) Instead of saying "No,it's too expensive," he made me work for it. He made me a crude bank account and told me that for every centavo I saved out of my allowance he would put in the equivalent amount until we reached 10 pesos. I think it took me about a month to raise the needed amount to buy the set, but I felt good about having bought something out of my own money,even though it was subsidized.
When I got bitten by the camera bug,Dad bought me books, magazines, cameras and even "borrowed" photo equipment from PRRM,where he used to work, so I could indulge in this expensive hobby.
During my second year in High School I took an interest in Classical Guitar and when I showed him a book at Erehwon which cost P20 (a huge sum for a book then) he got me the book and later on bought me a guitar in Cebu which was made of Langka wood.
Dad loved to have fun and play practical jokes.
Once he bought a "Fly in the ice cube" from a novelty shop and placed this in Uncle Teofs drink during a party. Then there was the "Spilled ink" gag (a black colored ink blob with an ink bottle) which he placed on Ate Per's brand new Biology book. Ate was so upset at the thought that her new book was ruined, until Daddy revealed the prank.
One of the most memorable was the "Barf" gag. This was a rubberized vomit which if sprinkled with some water looked like real the real thing. Dad placed this on their bed and when Mom saw it vented her anger on our poor dog Charlie,whom she thought was responsible for the mess.
Daddy was a soldier to his country, a loving and romantic husband to Mom,a doting and caring father to all of us kids,a model Christian and father to me.
It has been said that the picture of God as a Father, we get from our earthly dads.
I am one of the lucky one's to have experienced God's love here on earth because of my Dad...and I hope to pass on this experience to my own kids.
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